Guardin' The Gundams
by Dr Megalomania
Summary: My first Gundam Wing fanfic, sounds like a child's book, don't it? Anyway, this is just me experimenting with the character, but please R&R anyway. A random OZ and the Five Gundam Pilots... hmm... what could happen there then?


Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that this is my first Gundam Wing fanfic, and it's just me testing out the characters, and see how to write them. There are no pairs – aside from a slight hint of 3+4, just cause I consider them cannon – mostly because I don't feel ready to enter in to the scary sounding Yaoi debate just yet. . . but I maintain that Relena is actually evil, no 'if's, 'and's or 'but's, she is actually really evil. I also mention that I've used several songs in this, just because they happened to play just as I was writing, this is not a song fic, just Duo rocking away. . . songs used are mostly found on the Ace Ventura Soundtrack, and I can't remember them, but I lay no claim to them, also there's Bohemian Love you, and Get This Party Started. I think that's it, but if it's not, then I still don't lay any claim to any thing lyrical . . .

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. 

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

"Whoa . . . heh, here we go again, eh?"

Duo grinned as they padlocked him in, "Not takin' any chances, are ya?"

The Oz guards declined to answer him, he glanced over at his pals, his partners in crime, the best team he had ever worked with during his entire, albeit short, life. The four only other men in the universe he would trust with his life, fought side by side every time he could, the few that he stood by to defeat the mighty OZ--

"I'm going to kill you."

Duo blinked and leant over Heero, the short dark haired youth sat very still as Duo placed his head on his bare shoulder. "But this is a great plan!"

"I'm still going to kill you."

Duo smiled, as he watched Heero struggle to keep his eyes closed, "Sure you will . . ."

"No, seriously, I am going to kill you."

"Not if I get there first." Wufei whispered grimly, as he glared at the guards. The three officers were nervous as they gathered around the communication panel. Heero opened his eyes, and looked at Wufei, "I'm going to kill you too."

"Are you going to kill us all, Heero?" Quatre leant forward, he chuckled slightly, his blue eyes narrowing slightly, "Trust Duo, this might be one of his better . . . schemes . . ."

"Of course it is . . ." Duo grinned and flopped back, taping a control on his Stereo, the music starting up, "Besides . . . I could do with the pampering . . ." the long haired charmer tried not to laugh out loud as Heero gritted his teeth, and growled quietly.

**Guardin' the Gundams**

[By Doctor Megalomania]

He should have known the shift would be a weird one. 

He just should have, no debate, he just should have known. Ensign Saratone raised an eyebrow as his crewmate passed him, the other ensign handed Saratone the keys, and shook his head, mumbling, "They're nuts . . ."

Clue one. 

He sighed and shook his head, "They're just kids, brilliant soldiers bent on OZ's destruction, but kids no the less . . ."

Clue Two.

His crewmate shrugged, "Just wait . . . I was just on duty with them for three hours . . ." 

Clue three came in the form of a twitching eye.

Saratone sighed, "You call yourself an officer . . ." he stepped in, and took a look at his charge. The five Gundam pilots stared back. 

"So . . ." No. 2 grinned happily, "You're the new guard . . ." 

Saratone nodded and stepped in silently; he put his hand on his gun, and looked at each of them. He knew which was which of course, but still this was the first time he had seen them all up close. 2 grinned and returned to staring out the window, 1 was staring at his hands, 5 was staring at . . . Saratone blinked and frowned, looking down on himself, was 5 staring at his crotch? Saratone raised a puzzled eyebrow, and swayed his hips, 5's eyes narrowed as they followed the trail. He felt his mouth fall open, as 5's dark eyes narrowed even more, his intense gaze focusing harder. 

"He's watching your gun."

"Huh?" Saratone looked away from 5 to 3, 3 had his hands in his lap, his eyes closed. 3 sighed slightly and opened his jade eyes.

"He's watching your gun."

"Oh." Saratone looked 5 again, and started to hop. 5's dark eyes bounced up and down with the gun's movement. The guard felt his eye twitch slightly, "Abnormal." He concluded, looking at the final pilot, 4, the blonde haired, blue eyed, frail looking lad smiled sweetly. "Hi."

"Okay . . ." Nodding slowly, Saratone looked at them all over. He blinked as he noticed 2 was bobbing his head, "What the--?" He walked closer and lent over, 2 was listening to a stereo?! 

"Oi! What's this?!"

"We're waiting for the battery to run out." 1 raised his head and stared at the guard blankly, "Then we are going to kill him."

There was a sweet giggle from the other side as 4 shook his head, "No. 1!"

"It's true."

"No, it's not. We're friends." The blonde kid leant forward, "Remember?"

"The guy's got selective memory!" 2 grinned, as he elbowed 1, "Don'tcha?!"

1 raised an eyebrow and turned to 5, "You realise the battery could be used to power that little light above your Gundam's chair."

5's left eyebrow shot up, "That information changes everything." 

"Ah, ah, ah!!" 2 shook a finger, as he bopped away, "You *promised* on your family *honour*, you wouldn't kill me until the battery ran out."

5 sat back and huffed angrily, 1 sat back and stared ahead, ". . . I don't have a family."

"Yeah, but . . ." 2 leant over and leant his head on 1's shoulder, "You always say that ya gonna kill me, but ya never do . . ." 2 sniffed, "It make me wonder if just maybe—"

"I. Will. Kill. You."

"Hee, hee, hee!!" 2 giggled and stared to head bang again. 1 sighed and resumed looking at his hands. The guard raised an eyebrow, and straightened, "So . . . what are your names?" He shrugged, "I mean, you must have names . . . you don't all call each other numbers all the time, do you?"

The five remained, on the whole, silent, blondey smiled slightly, and looked out the window, the three silent amigos in the centre sighed and closed their eyes, and 2 started to sing along, "Let me tell you 'bout a friend of mine . . ."

_Ten minutes later . . ._

"He's stuck on the big couch," 2 threw his head back, and sang out loud, "Stuck in his big chair . . ."

"Exactly how long . . ." 5 growled, as he motioned his rocking comrade, ". . . does his battery last?"

". . . Watching the TV all the time . . ."

"I don't know." 1's eyes remained shut, as he rolled his neck, loosing the muscles, "All I know is that he stole it out of my Gundam."

"Let'me tell ya the sun is shining outside!"

"Really?" 4 looked a little concerned, "Do you want to borrow mine?"

"Let'me tell ya the sun is shining outside!"

"No, I'll get it back . . ." 1 opened his eyes and glared at his singing comrade, "When I kill him."

"Let'me tell ya the sun is shining outside!"

"You can't kill him." 4 protested, "He's our friend."

"Let'me tell ya the sun is shining outside!"

"And this guard's our guard." 1 retorted, glaring harder at the bouncing head, "Don't see me not killing him."

"Let'me tell ya the sun is shining outsi-i-i-i-i-ide!"

"Does the fact you lot are shackled . . ." Saratone put his hands on his hips, "And I'm standing right here with the guns . . . not occur to you?"

The three silent amigos blinked at him blankly, the blonde kid smiled and tilted his head, and 2 was still singing quietly to himself. "Check it out! Boo-boo-bolooloo . . . bee-boo-boo-booloo . . ." They were shackled, chains feeding through metal bars to ensure they were always kept at a certain distance from each other at all times. "Let'me tell ya the sun shining outside!" Feet, hands, torsos . . . Lady Une had just stopped short of giving them neck braces. Even then. . . they still acted as if they were just bidding their time. 

"Anyway . . ." Began 5 again, "How long does his battery last?

"Boo-boo-boolooloo!"

"Let's see . . ." Blondey closed his eye, "If he stole out of No. 1's then . . . hmm . . . it should run out by the time we're about six hundred kilometres from the wreak of this carrier . . . "

"Let'me--"

"Excellent. " 

"--Tell ya--"

1 blinked and stared at 5's profile, "I'm killing him. " 

"--The sun--"

"No, no. . . I promised him I'd kill him for this. " 

"--Is shining--"

"I promised I'd kill him the day we met. "

"--Outside!!"

5 blinked, "You did? Why didn't I promise him?" He looked away thoughtfully, "What was I doing . . .?"

"Blowing up that base." 3 answered quietly, he looked at the guard, "What?"

Saratone's eyes widened, "What's wrong with you?! Are you all insane?!" 

"No! Buddy . . . we're all perfectly fine . . . only one of us gets a lil insane . . ." 2 winked at him, still jigging along to the music. The guard's eyes went immediately to the hawk-like pilot, 5 glared at him and frowned, "What?"

"It's you, isn't it?" 

"No."

"Nah, nah!!" 2 shook his head, "Kung Foo 5's nothing like that!! Heh, heh. . ." The second pilot turned his head to the first, the first to the fifth, the fifth to the third and the third stared at fourth pilot. The blonde, the weakest, most frail looking one blushed slightly, as he protested quietly, "I only blew up one colony!"

Half an hour . . .

_Ker-raaaack!_

Saratone felt his eye start to twitch slightly as 1 rolled his neck again, 2 was dozing finally, his stereo still blaring music into his ears, 3 was leant against 4, and 5 was—

"Will you cut it out!" Saratone swivelled his hips, trying to bring the gun out of his line of sight. 5 raised an eyebrow, and looked at 1 again. "Stop thinking about it." 5 murmured, 1's attention was solely focused on the bobbing Adam apple of 2, as the long haired charmer tipped his head back and snored loudly, 5 shook his head, "It would only be dishonourable." 

1 rolled his shoulders again, "I don't have a family to dishonour." He turned to the black haired pilot, "And you're thinking about it too."

"Ah!" 4 gasped, "Look, they've brought our Gundams along too!!" 

The three turned to look out the wide window, true enough the five captured Gundams floated along on mobile carriers beside the prison carrier. The guard shook his head, the Gundams had been easy to catch, the attack force had just happened to have the good luck to catch the five resting. They had come quietly luckily, and the defeat was being hailed as a victory for OZ. 2 yawned and stretched over his head, pulling the other four's chains above their heads too. 1 stared at 2, as the longhaired charmer grinned, "Nani?"

"Don't make me have to kill you."

"But you're going to kill me anyway."

"Don't make me have to kill you until you die from it."

"Oh, it's like that, is it?"

"Yes."

"Right." The longhaired boy dropped his arms, "That's all very well but . . ." he gasped suddenly, looking down at his side. "NO!!"

"Duo!" The blonde shouted with fear in his voice, "What is it?!"

"It's the *battery*!! Isn't it?!" 5 and 1 stared at 'Duo' with intensity, as they demanded, _"ISN'T IT?!"_

Duo blinked, "No . . ." He murmured quietly, he settled back, and leant towards the wall, "Just the tape turning over . . ."

"Kuuuusoooo!" The two who wanted him dead sat back, and glared at the floor.

The third pilot looked at the fourth, "You used his name."

The fourth sighed, "I know, Gomen nasai . . ." He breathed, a little upset at himself, "I thought . . . something had . . ."

"So. . . you're name is Duo . . ." the guard pointed at Duo, the long haired boy nodded, in time to his music. "And the rest of you? Who are you?"

"My name is Trowa." The third pilot stared at him, Saratone blinked in surprise, until Trowa explained, "Now you know us, we're going to have to kill you . . ."

"Nani?" Saratone sighed heavily, "Don't you lot know how to say anything else . . ." He straightened suddenly, "You-you're . . ." he pointed at Trowa, "You're the one they call Death!! Aren't you?!"

"No, I'm not . . ."

The guard's eyes went immediately to the hawk-like pilot, 5 glared at him and frowned, "What?"

Saratone blinked, "Then . . ." He nodded slowly, shaking a finger at the pilot, "It's *you*!"

5 stared at him his eyes narrowing slowly, a deep frown forming on his brow, "No . . . it's not." He growled quietly, "I am Wufei!"

"Wuuu-be-do . . . Wuu-be-doo . . . Wuuuuu-bee-dooo!!" Duo hummed, "Wu-Wu-Wu!! Wuu-Wuuuu!!"

"Family honour . . ." Wufei's eyes narrowed, "I must remember I must honour my oath . . ."

Duo closed his eyes and sang happily, "Wu-Wu-Wufei-Fei-Feeei! Let'me Tell ya the sun is shining outside! Outsi-i-i-ide!" 

Trowa shook his head slightly, and looked at the fourth pilot, who smiled at the guard, "My name is Quatre . . . it's nice to meet you."

"So . . ." The guard began, "If you aren't the one they call Death, and . . ." He looked at Wufei, "And it's not you . . ." He squinted, "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I am." 

"So, who's the great big ominous Death guy . . ." He made a swinging motion with his hands, "The one with the Scythe . . . the really scary one!"

"Are you saying . . ." Wufei's eyes narrowed even more, "We aren't all scary?"

"Well . . ." Saratone frowned, as if this was obvious, "*Yeah*, I mean the one they call death is SO much more scary than the rest of you . . ." He closed an eye and nodded, "With the possible exception of the one with Zero . . ."

All heads turned to Duo, who continued to drift in and out of his own world, "Wu-wu-wu-wu-wuuuuuuuuuuu!" He strummed at a air-guitar, head banged some more, and sang in a low growling voice, "Wuuuuu-feeeeeiiiiii . . .Yeah!" 

"Wait." The guard's eye definitely twitched this time. "Are you telling me that this . . .?"

The sunset was beautiful.

Quatre sighed, as the warm red-orange light flooded the compartment, he felt a small movement on the chains linking their feet and looked down to see Trowa flexing his foot. He smiled slightly, as he tried to flex his own foot to met his friend's. The metal bar between them clinked, making sure they couldn't get any closer. Trowa sighed, his shoulders drooped slightly, the only sign of his disappointment. The jade eyes slid shut, and the boy sat back. The guard was off getting some orders from the communication's panel at the front. Quatre leant forward, and looked at his companions, "When shall we get out?"

Duo opened his eyes, fiddled with his handcuffs, and slipped a hand out to scratch behind his ear. "Ahhh . . ." He grinned, "soon, buddy, just keep it cool . . ." he slipped his hand back into his 'cuff, just in time as Saratone returned. 

"Lady Une will want to talk to you all . . . soon . . ." Saratone smirked, "I hope you can hold off your escape plan until . . ." He growled and swivelled his gun hip away from Wufei's line of sight, "Until she has paid you a visit . . ."

"Sounds like a fair deal."

"I'm sure we can accommodate you."

"Very well." 

"Hn."

"Wuuuuuoooooooooooooo-feeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiii!!" Duo laughed and raised his arms, making a Mexican wave out of his comrades.

"I am so going to kill him." Wufei clutched at the chain between his hands, "Once that battery reaches it's last breathe . . . Family honour be damned!"

"Not if I get there first."

"It would just be easier if you just ignored him." Trowa sighed and leant back, closing his eyes.

Quatre shook his head, "That's not what friends do, Trowa . . ."

"Doop-pi-doo-la-loo!!"

"It would save on getting all bloody here . . ."

"Who said I was going to do it here?" The first pilot growled, "I'll be stomping on him with my Gundam."

"Not if Nataku gets there first." Wufei growled too, "then she will ground his body into the dust."

The guard frowned, //They . . . they don't get it at all . . . when we get to the base . . . they going to be *killed*, but they act like this is all just a ride to them . . . they are either---// He broke off his thoughts as he swung his gun hip out of Wufei's sight again, //they must be insane . . . it's incredible . . . such brilliant pilots and. . .//

"If you kill him, I get to blow up his Gundam . . ."

"Done deal."

"Wuu--- Matte!!" Duo growled at them, "Kill me . . . but you can't touch my Deathscythe!!" He glared at them, "It's my Gundam!"

Wufei and 1 exchanged a look, then 1 turned to Duo, "What good will your Gundam do you when you are dead?"

"Listen to me!" Duo blustered angrily, "You can do anything you like, but don't hurt my Gundam!! DeathScythe's my favourite Gundam!!"

"It's your only Gundam," 1 dryly observed. He rolled his neck again, a dreadful crack was heard, making the guard wince. 

"Yeah but . . ." he looked out the window, DeathScythe was just flying nearby, "DeathScythe's my Gundam . . ." Duo sighed happily, as 1 shook his head slowly.

"It's only a Gundam."

Duo turned to him, "Ya know Heero . . . I seem to recall a certain someone dislikes it when anyone touches his Gundam . . . and that a certain someone really shouldn't talk about being obsessive . . . Mister Broken Neck. . ." 

"Mister Broken Neck?" The guard blinked, "What does he mean?"

"My neck's broken . . ." Heero murmured, he rolled his neck again, "I've been trying to set it since we got on."

Saratone could feel a vein in his forehead throb, could feel his eye twitch, just could feel the over whelming insanity the five expended. "What's with you lot?!" He pointed at Duo, "You, the one they call Death, is far too . . . happy, and moronic to be that . . ." he pointed at Quatre, "And the same goes for *you* . . . and *you*!" He pointed at Wufei, "CUT IT THE HELL OUT!! And *you*!" He pointed at Trowa, he tried to get the words out, but they came out as a series of chokes and hisses and grunts, he just couldn't find the words to describe the seemingly only sane one of the entire team. He pointed at Heero, "And *you*!! What are you?! I've got a broken neck! You make it sound like it's an every day occurrence!!"

"Nah!" Duo piped up, "This is just a special occurrence, usually he likes to stick with snapping his knees in and out . . ." There was a loud crunch as Heero suddenly straightened his back, Duo glared at him. "You know I *hate* it when you do that!"

The intensive boy smiled faintly, and nodded slowly, "There we go . . ." 

Heero passed out completely, as Duo continued, "and then there's the bone setting . . ." the longhaired charmer grinned, "don't get me started on what he can do to his fingers . . ."

The guard went a shade of green that clashed with his OZ suit. "You . . . you are insane . . ."

_"All crewmen, stand ready, we are 10 minutes from the base . . . Repeat, All crewmen, stand ready . . ."_

Saratone looked up, "So . . . just 10 minutes. . . and then—" the guard laughed evilly, "Then you will most likely be *executed*!!" he looked at the five Gundam pilots, Wufei and Heero were glaring at Duo, Quatre and Trowa were gazing out the window, as if they were just happily watching the sunset from a balcony. Saratone growled and clenched his fists, "Don't you guys ever feel any fear?"

"Fear?"

"Fear?"

"Fear?"

"Wuu-wuu-fear?"

Quatre laughed gently, at the guard's expression. "No, we don't because . . ." He nodded confidently, "we have nothing to be afraid of."

The guard felt another twitch building under his other eye, "Are you telling me you don't fear what OZ will do to you?"

"Fear?" The three in the middle asked again, as if they didn't understand the word. The guard sighed heavily and rolled his eyes to the heaven. Duo, the one called ever cheerful Death, grinned as he started a new song, "Yeah, and I like you, and I like you, and I feel woo-hoo! WUU!!" 

"Anyway we can drain the battery faster?"

"No." Heero growled, his fist clenching harder. The conversation between Heero and Wufei continued as if the guard hadn't even mentioned their impending death. Saratone almost felt like hitting his head against the wall, they were incredible . . .

Duo suddenly got lost in his music and lifted his hands in front of him, bring everyone else's up as well. The metal bar, they were all attached to, swung below their hands. Duo nodded in time to his music, which blared from the headphones loudly. "I'mmmmm!" He sang loudly, as he forced everyone to stand as well. Saratone shook his head and walked away, not quite willing to witness another one of Duo's dancing sessions. "–Coming up so you betta get this party started!!" He swung his hands, and the bar flipped neatly into their hands. The group nodded, and started to wave their arms from side to side, ramming the metal bar against the window on Quatre's side. 

The guard turned to find Duo's harmless dancing do plenty harm to the window. "Matte!!" He growled as he ran forward, Trowa and Heero's heads snapped towards him, and they pushed up as far as they could. Wufei swung and kicked the Oz officer as hard as they could. The five worked as one as they organised themselves.

"Didn't I tell ya this plan was a great one?!" Duo grinned as he slipped out of his cuffs, and helped Heero out of his, the intensive man raised an eyebrow.

"We'll discuss it at your funeral."

Five minutes later, the four had managed to escape their bonds, and broke both windows. The entrance doors to their Gundams opened up right on time. "Like clockwork!" Duo yelled at them.

Wufei nodded with agreement, and jumped over to the nearest carrier. He quickly got into his Gundam's cockpit, and flicked a ton of switches. He glanced out his windows, and saw the others doing the same. Nakata sat up, and took aim for the prison carrier, "We warned you . . ." Wufei murmured, "We warned you twice. . ."

_Twenty months later. . ._

He should have known the shift would be a weird one. 

He just should have, no debate, he just should have known. Ensign Martins raised an eyebrow as his crewmate passed him, the other ensign handed Martins the keys, and shook his head, mumbling, "They're nuts . . ."

Clue one. 

He sighed and shook his head, "They're just kids, brilliant soldiers bent on OZ's destruction, but kids no the less . . ."

Clue Two.

His crewmate shrugged, "Just wait . . . I was just on duty with them for three hours . . ." 

Clue three came in the form of a twitching eye.

Martins sighed, "You call yourself an officer . . ." He stepped in, and took a look at his charge. 

The five Gundam pilots stared back. 

"So . . ." No. 2 grinned happily, "You're the new guard . . ."  

  -----------------------------------------

Time for those bothersome Doctor Megalomania's Mission Logs – Sorry Duo!!

DrM: [large eyes] Oooooohhh. . . could it be, the most plotless piece of nothing, with Gundam characters in it? I think so!!

Wing: You know that's nothing to be really proud of. . .

Nataku: let's run away before she comes back to reality, and continues that fecked up fic of her. . . ya know that one about us?

Heavyarms: [starts to tiptoe out] good point, let's go. . . 

DrM: hey, think this should have had more. . .?

Shinigami: Me?! I think so, and more Wing, and more Heavyarms, and Nataku and Sandrock, and defininatly more me!!

Sandrock: [rolls eye] there goes our escape plan. . .

DrM: [sticks out tongue] you're just mean, [turns large puppy dog eyes on reader] pwease review? It's my first Gundam Wing Fic, and I'm nervous as hell. . .


End file.
